I don’t have a lot to say today about 9/11. I wish I did have something profound to say, but the truth is I’m still deeply depressed about what happened in New York City five years ago. I was living on 26th street and West Side Highway back then, and I think about those times every two or three days. For the first two years I thought about 9/11 every day, so I guess that’s what time does.

Looking back on it I know now that I was suffering from PTSD after 9/11: crying at random times, clenching up in anxiety when hearing a siren, and searching for meaning in everything.

In June of 2001 I went to my brothers graduation from the NY Fire Department at City college downtown. It was one of the proudest days in my life because our grandfather was a NY firefighter. My brother was carrying on his legacy.

Three months later he was working at “the pit,” and dozens of his friends were dead. I spent lots of time talking with my brother about 9/11, and our conversations five years later go back to the events of that day. It’s the defining moment in many of our lives. I know I think about things in terms of before and after 9/11.

Two things still haunt me about those days. The first is the a reoccurring nightmare I have had since 9/11 in which my brother dies and I’m comforting my mother. The second is of our neighbor’s daughter at our family Christmas party in 2001. Her father died in the World Trade Center three month earlier. She was carrying around a radio and singing the song “Hero” for us.

It was brutal.

Peace,

jason

Hero
There’s a hero If you look inside your heart You don’t have to be afraid Of what you are There’s an answer If you reach into your soul And the sorrow that you know Will melt away

And then a hero comes along With the strength to carry on And you cast your fears aside And you know you can survive So when you feel like hope is gone Look inside you and be strong And you’ll finally see the truth That a hero lies in you

It’s a long road When you face the world alone No one reaches out a hand For you to hold You can find love If you search within yourself And the emptiness you felt Will disappear

And then a hero comes along With the strength to carry on And you cast your fears aside And you know you can survive So when you feel like hope is gone Look inside you and be strong And you’ll finally see the truth That a hero lies in you

Lord knows Dreams are hard to follow But don’t let anyone Tear them away Hold on There will be tomorrow In time You’ll find the way

And then a hero comes along With the strength to carry on And you cast your fears aside And you know you can survive So when you feel like hope is gone Look inside you and be strong And you’ll finally see the truth That a hero lies in you